Coming of age to me is when i can finally go to high school and be around people alot older and more mature then me. In that single moment when i first walked around campus on the 1st day of school, i knew that i had come of age. i was now in charge of what might maybe be the best time of my life and yet at the same time the most important part of my life. High school is when people decide what they want to be when they grow up, if they are going to go to college or no , or if they just want to be a bum and do drugs.
Before high school i was never givin that many options as to what im doing with my time. There were different clubs, teams, and crowds of people that all did different things. This was when i realized that i actually should care about what i wear on my body. It was easy to realize that i was not the only one realizing this, people that i knew before, girls with too much makeup on and guys with there football helmets in hand. At first i didnt get why people did all these things but i realized that this was part of there growing up proccess to and that they were doing this to show others how they have come of age.
Some people might think that a license or a drivers permit might symbolize that they have come of age. For others its a big party like on MTV or even more explicit stuff. But for me my coming of age expirience was a silent internal affair and it was one of those quoet things hardly anybody realizes is happening to you. It probably isnt known to many but in middle school i didnt have a family in school, a best friend, or even good friends. When i cam to high school i decided that i needed to surround myself with the good people and weed out those who i felt i didnt need and were not going to help me in the long run. I have become more of a crying shoulder for most of these girls in our "family" in school and thast what i wanted because that helped me find my quality friends.
its amazing to me that i learened and thought about this all in one silent moment without the influence of others. Thats how i knew that i had truly come of age, because my thoughts were mature and they wer emy own pure thoughts that were not polluted by what others think or say. Its crazy because im only in my sophmore year and im excited to see what kind of silent brain blast i have next that will lead me to my next conclusion. So although my official bed time is 9:30, i still play JV football, and i am not in a lovey dovey relationship that seems to come with high school, i feel that i came of age awhile ago and i have so much left to learn.
im sorry if this is bad but this is my third time posting on your thing so here it goes
ReplyDeleteok like mrs s said about the intro and not like talk about what coming of age is but show it in dialog.
i like how you talked about alll the things there is to do in high school but again yuo should include dialog of personal experiences of cming of age
and grammer errors in paragrph 3 cam to came thast to that and the i's throughout the essay should be capitalized
i hope this works if not it will be the fourth
GO BASEBALL
Austin
HI Justin,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Austin that you've got some good ideas here but you've got to do the "show, not tell" thing and delete or decrease all the explanation and increase the details that will make your coming of age realization "come alive."
Instead of explaining how you made friends and became the "shoulder" for them, show it through dialog and specific detail.
mrs s
Hey Justin,
ReplyDeleteI like how you talk about high school as a freshman at your viewpoint and your voice in the paragraph.
You should put personal experience on you first weeks of school. It could make the reader more interested in it and they could compare there first weeks also.
Also watch out for grammer errors. But overall it is a pretty good essay.